Alvin the Angel

                                       Alvin

        Everything was perfect. 25 weeks of healthy happy momma and baby. I was consistently working out, doctor approved, I took the vitamins I did all the stuff. Mid week 25 I came down with a brutal sinus infection (this is 2021- covid times) so I hadn't been doing much but laying around and I'm far enough along that babies movements were consistent and easy to feel. One of those days just laying around I noticed I wasn't feeling him move, I started to panic and called my doctor. Doctor said no worries he's probably sleeping. I had bought a heart rate dopler on Amazon and was checking babies heartrate periodically, it was normal. Few hours went by and no movement, I called again and said this doesn't seem right I feel him everyday. The doctor said it should be fine if there's no pain or leaking of fluid and heartrate is good. He also told me to eat something sweet and lay on my left side. I did that, still nothing. I trusted the doctor and let it go.

    The next day I had still not felt anything but heartrate remained in the "safe zone." My sinus infection was becoming unbearable so I went to urgent care hoping for some antibiotics. The doctor came in and immediately said "are you pregnant?!" I of course said "yes, 26 weeks tomorrow." He was terrified I had covid and didn't treat me at all just told me to go to the ER. I was annoyed but obliged. On the way there I called my OB and told them what was going on but said my main concern is still not feeling baby so they instructed me to go to triage when I arrived at the hospital and we would worry about possible covid after. I arrived at the hospital and went straight to triage. I was casually put on monitors after giving a urine sample, that was freakishly clear even though I hadn’t drank more than a glass of water, and also did a covid rapid test. Baby's heartrate was normal but within 10 minutes the nurse said she was slightly concerned because the heartrate wasn't showing as much variation as she’d like. She started an IV and said sometimes a bag of fluid can wake baby up a little. She said they'd probably give me a sonogram just to make sure he was good. While I waited for the sono tech my husband arrived and had joined me in the triage room. The tech arrived and did her thing but for only a few minutes before abruptly leaving the room (my husband left also to use the rest room) a few seconds later she was back packing her things and I could tell in her face and how quickly she left it was bad. My heart sank and I started to cry then I asked her if I should be scared, she looked at me and said "I don't want you to be" then she said "is there anything I can do for you?" I said "pray" and she said "I can do that" and she left. Within 2 minutes there were 3 doctors in my room, one asking me questions like "have you fallen down? Are you in pain?" The answers were all "no", nothing had happened. She then asked me to remove my leggings so she could check for amniotic fluid in my vagina because the water around my baby had vanished. No rupture no pain no nothing, just gone. There was no trace of amniotic fluid in my vagina so it wasn't slowly leaking out. The tone of the room was no longer calm, it was fear, from them and me. The doctors left momentarily as my husband returned and I quickly explain what's happening while tears stream down my face. The doctors quickly returned and one is holding a cellphone on speaker I hear "Miss Stahl I'm with MFM, I would like to life flight you to Pittsburgh but I'm afraid we don't have time"...my mind was completely blown and with crying in a mask on top of a terrible sinus infection I can barley breath at all. I said "what?!" And he responds "I don't believe your baby will be alive if we wait that long, we need to move now." As he's speaking a nurse whispers "Avery I need to prep you for surgery now" she starts to undress me unhooking my bra and removing my shirt while I sat there in utter disbelief while MFM continues to speak. I don't know what they said after that, it was like the Charlie brown teacher was talking to me just won won won. My brain couldn't process the situation quickly enough to comprehend their words.

     I have never had a worse experience than my previous C-section so I was in complete panic and disbelief, saying things like no please no and openly praying to God to save my son. My poor husband just watched in terror. They started almost running to the OR, I'm panicking trying to process all that's unfolded in the past 25 minutes, I said can we please do a spinal I can barely breathe and don't want to be put under and they said "we'll see." A nurse yells to another asking if I'm covid positive and thankfully she responded "negative." I arrived at the OR half crying and also rapid fire asking questions because half hour before this I believed I had a healthy happy tired baby and now I'm on a cold operating table scared out of my mind. The freezing room had at least 10 people in it all gawking at me, a nurse started spreading my legs and my bodies reaction was to fight against her squeezing my knees together another nurse helped her pry my legs apart and one of them shoved a catheter in with no warning. I screamed and begged them to stop touching me, the same time the anesthesiologist says "its time to go to sleep" I said "no! they said I could probably do a spinal" but he says "I'm sorry hunny we don't have time." I could barely breathe, I'm basically naked, cold and confused so I started freaking out. I'm not sure what I wanted to happen but I desperately wanted everything to just stop. I saw a doctor push by nurses telling her to stay back she shouted "she knows me!" when she made it to my side she grabbed my hand and said "Avery it's Dr. K I'm here with you!" (Dr. K was one of my doctors when I lived in the hospital for months during my 3rd pregnancy) I cried holding her hand saying "I don't want to do this I don't want to die I can't breathe!" (it probably means nothing but in that moment I believed not being able to use my nose was going to cause complications being put out) she said "I will not let you die, I promise." 1 second later the anesthesiologist forcefully held a mask on my face as I still fought back but I went out in seconds.

        I woke up just as fired up as I went out, surrounded by nurses trying to calm me down my husband shouts over them "he's alive Avery, he's alive!" I remember this calm that came over me it was brief but appreciated. They said he was in the Nicu and we would need to wait a couple hours before knowing anything further. I wasn't given a spinal so when I came to I wasn’t numb just in excruciating pain from being cut in half. No surprise I was screaming, nurses were scrambling trying to figure out meds while my husband is repeatedly saying please help her NOW. They ended up pushing something debilitating in my IV and within minutes I was silent in the horrible pilled out fog of narcotics.